Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I contemplated a question that a good friend asked me, “How do you know if you are a good person?” I hadn’t known how exactly to answer that initially, I mean I basically said when you die and an attendant offers you a cloud or a fan that should probably tell you where you rank. We both giggled at this idea, but ever since the question itself has plagued me; AM I a good person?
Late one night after the kiddies where in bed and the haze of an entire bottle of Shiraz wore off I started to answer this question out load and in no particular order.
1. I only wash my sheets once a month and this is because I’m too damn lazy to physically wash them anymore than that. Does that make me a bad person?
2. I cuss in front of my children. My reasoning for this and they are very aware is that I am all grown up and I have earned my right to use as many expletives as I want. To me it’s a kind of a reward for making to adulthood in one piece.Does that make me a bad person?
3.A gift card for $100 was accidentally mailed to me and I spent it. You can talk about “honesty” and “truth” all you want but in my honest truth I was dead broke, like .72 to my name broke and in the mail was this shiny gift card with $100 blazoned on it. Damn right I spent it! Bought groceries and happy meals as at treat for my kids. Does that make me a bad person?
4. I don’t like my parents. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them, because I do. I love the idea of what they were supposed to be, not who they actually were. My parents were two people who should have never been allowed to have children, but they went and procreated and then proceeded to give my brother and me a miserable existence for the next 18 years. I don’t talk to either one of them anymore and I’m happier for it. Does that make me a bad person?
5. I hate the snotty kid down the block. I know what you are saying “how can you hate a kid?” well, Meet little miss I-only-have-brothers-therefore- I hate-anyone –who –actually-gets-girl-stuff-bought-for-them. Seriously, this child is the spawn of Satan and is the most hateful miserable person I’ve ever met and she is only 12. Her continued bullying of my daughter has made me reach my limit. I honestly can’t wait for her to turn 18 so I can use some of those expletives I’m so fond of. Does that make me a bad person?
6.I don’t believe in God. You are lucky I even capitalized “God”. When I say I don’t believe in “God”, I mean that I don’t believe in what society believes in as a “god”. I believe there is something else out there, something good, something pure. What I don’t believe in is the dribble that is some white-haired old man who plays with us as if we are pawns in some great plan he created. Really, if that is the truth it is pretty sad and cruel. I believe life is not already planned out, we make our own destiny, and when we die we become part of life as a whole in its great unknown infinitesimal greatness. Does that make me a bad person?
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